Episodes

There was so much stupid, enough to make a second podcast of submissions. All the dimwitted things people in affairs say to chumps. We can't make sense of it, but we can make fun of it.

We asked, you answered with the dumbest, most self-serving, ridiculous things affair partners say to chumps. How can you come between them? Hey, they're praying for you. We'll all laugh about this and be friends someday.

In this episode Sarah and Tracy discuss what happens when parents cancel their subscriptions to adulting and check out for affairs. We hear from listeners how the kids are doing and how to navigate solo parenting. What it's like to be the show up parent contrasted with the Disney Dad or Mom. Is there any reward?

If you're a cheater who disavows cheating, are you suffering from cognitive dissonance? Or are you skilled in the dark arts of manipulation? Perhaps it's both. The best defense is a good offense. We hear from listeners about how they assumed their partners were safe because they were so offended by infidelity. How chumps were accused of cheating. How pointless the monogamy conversation was. And the sad sausage defense of... they didn't enjoy it. Nope. Not at all.

Inspired by the Olympic skier who took the opportunity of his medal win to plead for his girlfriend to take him back after cheating on her, we share your cringy hoovering stories. Hey, it didn't work out with Schmoopie! You free?

It's a common manipulation tactic for unfaithful partners to lead with self pity. Hey, their infidelity was hard on them too. Actually, harder really. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah respond to your sad sausage submissions. What happens when self-pity meets a blithering lack of self-awareness? Will you rescue them from the affliction of their own choices?

In this episode, Tracy talks with Kirk Martin, the creator of the podcast which covers the power struggles between kids and parents and outlines strategies to help. Kirk is a compassionate observer of the unjust financial and emotional burdens single...

When Sarah's then-husband walked out for his affair partner, her mother was her rock for the next 14 years. She helped Sarah raise the children, and was her biggest supporter. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah talk about their infidelity angels, the people who got them through. Sylvia passed away in December. Sarah was her caregiver until the end. Love is all about showing up.

Tracy and Sarah react to a letter at ChumpLady.com from a mistress asking Tracy to please inform her boyfriend's wife about their affair. (That was a hard pass no.) And they discuss an article in the New York Times on the "ritual shaming" of the Other Woman. Was Kristin Cabot, of Cold Play concert Jumbotron fame unduly held to account for infidelity in a way her boss was not?

Tracy talks with therapist, Virginia DeLuca, author of "If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets," a candid, funny, and emotionally rich memoir about divorce and reinvention in her 60s. After 14 years, her husband suddenly abandoned their marriage, explaining that he wanted children. Unbeknownst to DeLuca, there was another, much younger, woman, of course. She published her debut memoir at 72, proving it’s never too late to tell your story or rebuild your life after infidelity.

Sarah and I are back after our hiatus to discuss your ex's cringey selfies. The fish. The dick pics. The ones where you're cropped out. If you ever stumbled upon an entire audiovisual library of your cheater's dating profiles and it's scarred in your memory, this episode is for you.

Sometimes the fuckwit doesn't fall far from the tree. In this episode we hear your terrible inlaw stories. The mother-in-law who asks what you did to make him cheat? The fat shaming. The enabling. The ghosting of grandchildren. So, if you're getting misty for the people you may have lost in the divorce, this episode will sober you up. Or hug the good people in your life a little tighter.

It's that time of year when it's hard for cheaters to maintain their double lives. Consequently, a lot of newly minted chumps are having D-Days during the holiday season. We hear from listeners how they survived the discoveries, the show-must-go-on family get togethers and oppressive bonhomie of social media.

Rep. Clay Higgins of Louisiana voted not to release the Epstein files. He was the only dissenting vote. Reportedly, he also owes over $140,000 in back child support to one of his ex-wives. (He's on his fourth wife.) Tracy and guest host Jenny of the Happy Hausfrau blog -- two women owed thousands in back child support -- discuss the Epstein scandal. The f*ckwits involved, the power dynamics, and why women's pain matters.

The holidays are coming and it's a good time to remember all the things you do not (or will not) miss about your cheating ex. We hear about puppets in church, obnoxious sneezing, and hair powder. Horrific hygiene and rage driving. Bizarre hobbies and bad attitudes. Sound engineer Beowulf does his best dramatic Grinchy Thurl Ravenscroft voice to read the list. Sarah and Tracy react in horror. Thank god, no more taxidermy.

We're back with Dr. Peter Salerno this week talking about his new book "." If you've been at the receiving end of abuse and were confused why unconditional love wasn't working, this episode is for you. Do some people enjoy being cruel? Is unkindess...

Tracy and Sarah react to your polyamory experiments. The open marriage stories keep coming... In this episode we hear about a man with two sister wives. (Literally). A polyamorous marriage that was one-sided, while he tomcatted around and left her with the kids. And a therapist who helps other people negotiate ethical non-monogamy while was unbeknownst married to a guy who practiced it unethically.

We asked listeners if they'd been propositioned by their partner to be in an open relationship, only to find they were being cheated on. The polyamory disaster stories are in!

In this episode we asked listeners for their Worst Exits Ever stories. The cheaters who abandoned the family at Christmas. Or during a health crisis. Or just days before a giant exam. During the third round of chemo. Or when the chump is pregnant with twins. What's going on? Are they maximizing the cruelty? Is it deliberate? The good news is, everyone who reported in said after the initial hardship, life is a lot better without a heartless loser.

Tracy interviews Gretchen Baskerville author of the book and blog "Life-Saving Divorce." Gretchen has been a visible critic of the "Reconciliation Industrial Complex" and Christian evangelical marriage retreats in particular. She's followed up with participants of expensive marriage intensives and found 7 in 10 later divorced or separated within the year. A stark contrast to the "your marriage can be saved in a WEEK" promotionals. Tracy and Gretchen discuss the victim-blaming and spiritual abus...

A recent news article discussed the increase in popularity of polyamory as an option on dating sites, while contrasting it with real life TV shows featuring polyamorous relationships, like Sister Wives, where the arrangement collapsed and they defaulted to monogamy. Sarah and Tracy compare notes on the impracticality of multiple sex partners in our middle-aged, busy lives. And also how "open marriage" is often on offer after you find out you were in one, but were the last to know.

Tracy talks with pyschologist Dr. Peter Salerno about the intersection of infidelity and personality disorders. A lot of conventional therapy assumes that clients lack insight into their behavior and that antisocial behavior is the result of childhood trauma. Dr. Salerno argues that this approach ignores the behavioral science of personality disorders. Manipulation, deception, and a pathological lack of remorse are hallmarks of narcissism and sociopathy and these abusive acts are intentional. An...

Chump Nation came up in an NPR discussion about how to define cheating. Unfortunately, the commentators seemed to have no lived experience or deep sunk costs with a cheater. The conversation centered on rejections like your boyfriend making out with someone else. Guest host Jenny the Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy defend the position that infidelity is a form of abuse and debunk the romanticism of cheating. You can hear the original discussion at NPR here: What Really Counts As Cheating?

What happens when you discover your teen or adult child has been cheated on? Do your kids navigate this better if you modeled good boundaries? Or is the chump condition heriditary? In this episode, Sarah discusses how her daughter Jess reacted when she discovered her boyfriend acting shady. The Universal Bullshit Translator makes its first podcast appearance as it digests Jess's boyfriend's waffly, lame excuses.